15 Reassuring Pieces of Advice After Divorce
Nothing can fully prepare you for the ups and downs of life after divorce. Divorce is NOT the end of your life. It is common in the early days of divorce to feel that the idea of moving on or finding new love is impossible. But it is possible! Oftentimes what helps people survive through the emotional rollercoaster is being hopeful and optimistic about the future—despite how you feel at this very moment. Shift your mind from “we” to “me”, this is a new time in your life, filled with responsibilities! This is the best time for you to go ahead and chase your dreams or discover new ones you never knew you had. There is life after divorce.
- Love Does Not Hurt
If it hurts, it is not love. Your relationship should erase your tears, not your smile. True love does not hurt, it heals. Loneliness hurts, rejection hurts, envy hurts—but in reality, love does not hurt. There will be a time when the horrors you are experiencing in the breakup of your marriage will end and you will find peace.
- If the Person Loves You, He/She Will Come Back
When people leave for good, the love is over. If the person leaves, be glad! That person obviously didn’t love you the way you loved them. Why would you want to be saddled with someone who doesn’t love you enough to stay? You deserve better. Don’t feel sad over someone who gave up on you, feel sorry for them because they gave up on someone who would have never given up on them.
- Never Settle for Less than you Deserve
Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grows you, or makes you happy. Once you realize you deserve better, letting go will be the best decision ever. If they don’t respect, appreciate, and value you, then they don’t deserve you. The moment that you start to wonder if you deserve better, you do. Never settle for less than you deserve.
- Don’t Forget your Own Worth.
If you were constantly trying to prove yourself to your ex in your relationship, you probably forgot your own worth. It’s time to start remembering. There is no room in your life for people who belittle you and make you feel bad.
- You Can Survive.
No one ever died from heartbreak. Heartbreak ends, it’s not forever. We can endure much more than we give ourselves credit for. Being alone doesn’t mean being isolated and never again being in a relationship. There are millions of people living alone in this world today. That means 30 million possible opportunities for connections—whether it be friends or relationships.
- If He/She Doesn’t Fight For You, He/She Doesn’t Love you
Did your loved one walk away easily? Quit in couple’s counseling? Easily break up? Does he or she never defend or appreciates you? Then you’re better off without that person.
- You Will Move On.
You won’t truly forget someone you loved, but eventually, you won’t care anymore. Even if you were married or in a relationship for several years, the feelings will fade. Spend your new spare time by engaging in an activity you have put off for years—play sports, take cooking classes, sign up for yoga, travel. You will find solace in doing something you have been wanting to enjoy for years. There is life after divorce!
- Each Relationship is a Chance to Learn
Nothing is ever perfect. To live and love is to change and to grow. Growth is conditional, it only happens when we choose to embrace change one moment at a time. Relationships change over time, and each relationship is a chance to learn.
- Not Everyone Says I Love You and Actually Means It
Some people say it when they are lonely. Some people say it when they know it’s what you want to hear. Some people don’t mean it. Talk is cheap.
- You Can’t Change Him/Her
You can’t change your ex because you love him/her, they have to change themselves if they love you. Stop believing you can make something or someone to be what you want if you just try hard enough. If you think you would change for that person, don’t assume they would change for you.
- You Will Know If You Are Valued
If you find yourself constantly trying to prove your worth to someone, you have already forgotten your own value. Being seen by others starts with seeing, loving, valuing, and appreciating yourself first. Your value does not decrease based on someone’s inability to see your worth.
- Being Single Is Better Than Being Sad and Coupled
Would you rather be lonely in a relationship or single with limitless opportunities? Do you want to continue being beat down and depressed like you were during your relationship? Are you tired of being tired? It is up to you to decide how your days will be. Be positive, you will feel better. Give back, volunteer in the community, think positively, speak positively, and you will heal your soul.
- Forgive and Move Forward
Holding onto regrets and bitterness will only keep your life from moving forward. Forgiveness is critical in every relationship. Letting go of the desire to “need” a person renounces the right to hold resentment and stopping the flame of anger. Forgiveness is about you—it is YOUR choice to let go of the experience of hurt and pain. Instead of holding on to hurt in order to protect yourself from the fear of future pain, you can choose to gift yourself with forgiveness and let go of the resentment.
- Accept your Divorce
Accept your divorce as reality and be grateful for what you have. This is an extremely important step in the divorce recovery process. Mourning the loss of “what could have been” is natural and common, but getting stuck in the past only hurts you. Accept the way your life is now; not how you think it should be. Give up the blame, bitterness, and regret. It may be easier said than done, but nothing worthwhile in life is accomplished without effort.
- You have to choose happiness
Life after divorce is what you make of it. Do you want to wallow in it or rise above it? How much of your divorce will you carry on a daily basis? It is up to you whether you grow or continue to look behind you. So decide, because no one else has that power, not your ex, not your attorney, not your friends or family, only you.
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